Within this blog post, I want to figure out for myself what state of mind my character is in. I need to decide and understand for myself how to portray the character, even if it is ambiguous to the audience why my character is talking to his deceived wife.

To reiterate, my themes are mostly positive, even though this film will be quite sad. I need to make turn it into a positive outcome at the end of the film. I initial thoughts about this are that he is speaking to his wife as a form of comfort since he is alone. And at the end he reaches a form of acceptance of her death. A type of moving on. This sounds very sad but, I need to make it happy somehow.

Flower Story Idea

Just had another idea, perhaps the significance of the flower (which was his wife’s favourite), is the symbolism of letting go. Looking for the last flower in the house to put on her grave. her grave is surrounded by lots of the same flowers. At the gravesite he says “that’s the last one now”. That in the end is his form of acceptance. Perhaps he then pats his scruffy hair down (tidy) and picks up a tool box and carries it away (e.g. to fix his house?). While walking away “don’t you worry, it will be fixed up in a jiffy”. “Right… I should.. get started.”

Do I need to show that that flower was his wife’s favourite – the flower signifies her and her life.= verbally say it so that the audience know.

Back on Topic:

Research about stages of grief (Stanaway, 2020):

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Behaviours during those stages:

Denial

can look like:	can feel like:
avoidance	shock
procrastination	numbness
forgetting	confusion
easily distracted	shutting down
mindless behaviors
keeping busy all the time
thinking/saying, “I’m fine” or “it’s fine”

Anger

can look like:	can feel like:
pessimism	frustration
cynicism	impatience
sarcasm	resentment
irritability	embarrassment
being aggressive or passive-aggressive	rage
getting into arguments or physical fights	feeling out of control
increased alcohol or drug use

Bargaining

can look like:	can feel like:
ruminating on the future or past	guilt
over-thinking and worrying	shame
comparing self to others	blame
predicting the future and assuming the worst	fear, anxiety
perfectionism	insecurity
thinking/saying, “I should have…” or ”If only…”
judgment toward self and/or others

Depression

can look like:	can feel like:
sleep and appetite changes	sadness
reduced energy	despair
reduced social interest	helplessness
reduced motivation	hopelessness
crying	disappointment
increased alcohol or drug use	overwhelmed

Acceptance

can look like:	can feel like:
mindful behaviors	“good enough”
engaging with reality as it is	courageous
“this is how it is right now”	validation
being present in the moment	self-compassion
able to be vulnerable & tolerate emotions	pride
assertive, non-defensive, honest communication	wisdom
adapting, coping, responding skilfully

The most relevant of these for me is the acceptance phase, since I want to reach an overall positive conclusion. He accepts her death, talking to his wife is just a comfort. He is able to be vulnerable about his emotions, and acknowledge how bad of a state he is in: scruffy self and messy house. He is not fighting to avoid reality anymore, but the fact that he went through all of those stages previously is shown through the state of his house and himself. Nevertheless, the fact is that he is still sad about the loss of someone so precious, “acceptance doesn’t mean not experiencing distress, emotions or trauma”. That is why I want to keep the ‘small emotional but calming down straight away’ moment. The fact that he tries to keep his smile up means he is trying to stay positive, perhaps for her sake or for the stage of acceptance that he is at.

Imaginary conversations:

Bibliography

Stanaway, C., 2020. The Stages of Grief: Accepting the Unacceptable. [online] Counseling Center. Available at: <https://www.washington.edu/counseling/2020/06/08/the-stages-of-grief-accepting-the-unacceptable/> [Accessed 9 August 2022].